he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
