Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
