Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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