I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's blow job season.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
