so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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