he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
