Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
