My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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