And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
