So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
