It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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