Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
