I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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