I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
