i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
