Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
