Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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