She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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