just tell him i said nine months
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
