i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
