Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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