the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
