And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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