Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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