So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
