omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
