my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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