I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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