wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
