I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
