Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
