butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
