somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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