Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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