I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I can text with my tongue
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
