We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
