Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
