Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
