Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
