so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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