Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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