I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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