well I can't set my house on fire every night
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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