I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
