i will never coherently bang her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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