The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
