Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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