we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
