Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
