just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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