don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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