When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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