Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
