At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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