Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
