I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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