I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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