I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
