i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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