just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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