So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
