yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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