An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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