Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
