I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
